Listen, if you’re here reading this it’s probably because you’re wanting a solid relationship or you’re in a good relationship and hitting the speed bump called ‘ego’.
Tell us if this sounds right:
You might find yourself arguing about things that really don’t matter, passive-aggressively barking each other, or having to pry your tongue out of your cheek (or foot out of your mouth) to apologize.
Does this sound familiar? Hear us well; You’re not alone!
In fact, we might even argue you’d be in good company.
Cause let’s get real here. We all have struggles with our egos. And that’s probably the least of it!
And let’s get a little more real here:
If you’re struggling with this, you need to get over yourself.
And we’re trying to say that kindly, believe us, but it’s true.
In that moment when you feel that defensiveness build a wall, that snarky comment fall out, the knowing you should apologize and the words getting stuck behind your gritted teeth—stop and get over yourself.
Because in a relationship, it’s not all about you.
It’s not always about how hard it is for you, how you are upset, how things aren’t what you expected.
And we get it; Our ego will trip us up, telling us all kinds of BS. All kinds of baloney stories that aren’t true or that cloud our ability to soften. Our egos trip us up and pull up a smoke screen that doesn’t let us really see our partners experiencing the situation right beside us.
And that there? That small little awareness that it’s not all about us? That’s the key.
In other words, the key to getting over yourself is this:
The ability to soften into the moment, climb over our ego and see the situation with clearer eyes. To recognize our partner isn’t really attacking us by leaving the socks on the floor. To see how they might be hurt or stressed and get curious. To reach out and share that soft part of you that you’re afraid of showing. To strive for connection over defense.
All of this requires us to get over ourselves.
And ooooh boy, is that harder than it sounds. Heck yes.
Here’s where we recommend starting:
- When you’re snagged by something in the moment, PAUSE and ask for a 5-10 minute break.
- Then, get curious with yourself and ask questions like this, “What am I feeling right now? Why am I feeling that? Has this happened before? Is this reasonable?”
- After that, kindly focus and ask the same questions to your partner.
- Finally, ask yourself, “How can I best show up for this relationship right now?”
Because how often in those situations is it not about us at all? How often would just getting over ourselves move the needle forward? How many of you are like us and wish our partners would take this approach, too? (Hint, Hint)
Well—let’s get over ourselves and lead by example, shall we?
What do you think? Share your thoughts with us below!
Note: We are speaking of general relationships only. If you are in an unsafe relationship, please seek help.