What Are Listening Blocks?

Okay, we’re diving in. Listening blocks are simply habits we all have that hinder us from actively listening. It doesn’t mean you’re a weirdo, or bad, or suck. It means you’re human. There’s 12 in total and we’ve left them and their definitions below.

As you read through them, have a place to take notes nearby and jot down the ones that most apply to you. We’ve also left some brief tips on ways to tackle them, too! Here we go…

1. Comparing: You are too busy trying to compare one person or situation with another.
2. Mind Reading: Assuming you know what the other person feels and thinks without asking.
3. Identifying: You take everything a person tells you and refer it back to your own experience.
4. Rehearsing. Planning what you want to say next and missing what’s being said now.
5. Filtering. Listening only to things that are relevant to you and ignoring the rest (even if it’s important to the other person).
6. Judging. Evaluating the other person and what they say rather than really trying to understand how they see the world.
7. Daydreaming. Getting caught in memories or fantasies while someone is talking to you.
8. Advising. Looking for suggestions and solutions instead of listening and understanding.
9. Sparring. Invalidating the other person by arguing and debating.
10. Being right. Resisting or ignoring any communication that suggests you are wrong or should change.
11. Derailing. Flat out changing the subject as soon as you hear anything that bothers or threatens you.
12. Placating. Agreeing too quickly (“I know…you’re right…I’m sorry”) without really listening to the other person’s feelings or concerns.

Whew. Seems a little daunting, right? Remember, you’re human. We all struggle with these!
Okay, now onto the tips:

• Face your partner and put away any distractions.
• Clear your mind to take in what they are saying only. Form a response only after they have finished speaking.
• Avoid interrupting, as hard as it may be.
• Make conscious efforts to change thoughts and redirect them to the person at hand.
• Ask to pause if you need to recalibrate, write things down, or refocus.
• Take notes, if needed, to keep active attention.
• Remind yourself to “Stay calm, hold space.” and use mantras that are effective for you.
• Fact check before responding to ensure you’ve gotten the message as it was meant.
• Do a self scan before responding.

Seems a little more do-able right? Remember, this is a PRACTICE. Not something we can check off. Listening is like a muscle we need to flex over and over again to improve. Here’s a freebie to level up your listening and start the work!

Have a question? Leave it in the comments below, we’d love to hear from ya!