We recently sat down at a panel discussion where Taylor was a guest speaker (you can grab the transcribed ebook here, how cool is that?) jamming on all things relationships. When the topic of relationships and “The One” came up, you can bet we had something to say about it.
This lead us to pondering again (nothing good comes of that– Wink!) and we came to a conclusion. We are in a generation of LAZY relationships. Where we expect to find “The One” person that will accept us with all our flaws just by swiping right from a first impression of a few flattering pictures. This unicorn person will not require us to do any work on improving ourselves and will utterly complete us. They will provide us with all the happiness in the world where we will never have a personal struggle again. They will also have a perfect credit score, not have any flaws themselves, have a juicy booty, and have a squeaky clean but also kinky sexual record. (Okay, that last part is a perfectly acceptable expectation).
There’s simply “no good guys/girls/partners left.”
Let’s get serious here, that will not happen and that statement isn’t true. There are SO many great peeps out there ready for the work of a successful relationship. (‘Cause, again, The One
doesn’t exist and relationships require work!) So let’s cut to it. We are LAZY. When there is an issue in our flawed human relationships, or we unable to find a successful relationship, it results in hightailing it out of there faster than you can say “commitment issues”.
That left us pondering again, WHY is this laziness happening? Well. As I’m sure you can predict we’re going to tell you our educated guess and we’re also going to share a few tips to battle that laziness.
1. It’s genetic.
Well more like human nature. We are biologically and anatomically designed to operate at the most efficient mode (read: least amount of effort) possible. From our cells to our muscles and even our brains are wired to take the shortest, fastest, and easiest route. When it comes to relationships, this pattern doesn’t really change without effort.
2. It’s our society.
Sorry millennials. This “instant gratification” dating and sex world has lead us to believe that magically finding this perfect person (which doesn’t exist by the way) is just as easy as swiping a little finger, double tapping, or DM-ing. Come on, guys. Real love doesn’t work like that. This societal expectation and technology has further zapped our already “efficient” habits into hyperdrive.
3. It’s you.
Yep– We went there. It’s really a combination of the above points and you. These two factors combined have led us to have expectations that are higher than Vancouver on 4/20. Seriously, friend. Relationships happen in real life, not on Instagram and Snapchat. They involve real feelings and growth and joy and pain. They are more than what you see in a Facebook Status and you can bet your ass it’s not near as pretty (or caucasian, heterosexual, cisgender, and homogeneous) as the Disney Fairy Tales we’ve been conditioned to expect.
So, now that’s all out there, let us tell you we are right there with you. We drank that kool-aid (and then some) until we finally upchucked (lazily) these ideas. We by no means have it all figured out, goodness knows we are swimming along this upstream with ya, but we have nailed down a few things that we’ve found helpful to stop being lazy in our relationships.
1. Understand that you are, in fact, probably, more than you’d like to admit, lazy.
It’s really the first step. We are designed that way, conditioned that way, and expect no different. Let’s just move on from there, shall we?
2. Expect different.
Yeah, we can’t change our wiring overnight, or societal pressures, but we can change ourselves. We can start to open our eyes to the REAL relationships that withstand the test of time, that grow before our eyes, that include two flawed and awesome people walking side by side. We can ask them questions, observe their habits, learn what is really normal, or even better, learn their expectations. We can’t expect something SO rewarding as an incredible primary partnership without also expecting that it will require learning, growing, making mistakes, and hardship as well.
3. Take action.
Start doing the work. Read the blogs (here’s a great place to start — Link to all blog posts page), take the courses, go to the workshops. Or even smaller than that, ask questions, think further, act with empathy, or even simply eye contact. We’re surprised at how much we have glued our eyeballs to everywhere but our partners, we admit it. Start with that eye contact and go from there, you might shock yourself. Your habits, patterns, and laziness are killing your relationships and you. Try something (anything) different, it’ll be worth it.
Here’s an easy freebie to get you started: Lover’s Cheat Sheet
There you have it, folks. Our take on this Generation of Lazy Relationships. We’re doing our best to battle that notion, provide resources, and sincerely reach out to you badass, to let you know that you’re not alone. We’re right there with you.
And speaking on that note, have any suggestions to share? We’re all ears. (‘Cause we’re all in this together). Did we miss any points? Do you have solid advice you’d like to divulge?
Leave a comment below and let’s keep this dialogue goin’.