While we at The Relationship Project are all about real love and relationships, we knew we had to share this story and perspective, too. That #ModernDatingStruggle. We met Steph a while ago and her bubbly energy, glowing smile and down to earth heart made us fall in love with her instantly. After chatting with her and getting to know her we opened up and started talking about dating and real life as a single wedding planner. Her view touched our hearts and we knew it would touch yours, too. So without further ado, grab a something to drink and dive in.
I remember it all too well.
“That moment I looked over my shoulder, guaranteeing no one would catch what I was doing. I clicked the sign in button and started my search. It’s an overwhelming pool of opportunities and I’m crossing my fingers that this time something will stick.
I swipe right; he swipes right. We’re a match! The butterflies begin and the terrible pick up lines start.
How do I stand out amongst the many others over text?
Ding!
My phone goes off and I’ve received my first message. The first hello!”
Every love story has a unique beginning.
Me? Well, I’m still searching for my fairytale…Welcome to modern dating!
We are living in the thick of the hookup culture where feeling anything genuine can be frowned upon. If we show interest we’re too clingy and if we play the game wrong, wait too long to message back, they’ve moved on to the next.
Ready for a truth bomb?
I’m also a wedding and proposal planner.
Yep.
Being a wedding planner and proposal planner isn’t easy in today’s modern dating world. Don’t get me wrong, I love my job and I love sharing these intimate celebrations with my couples but a girl can only take so much mush and gush before heading home, cracking open the vino and going online to find her own prince charming.
Modern dating brings up nerves, anxiety and lack of confidence in me. Don’t get me wrong, I am a very confident person but, when it comes to online dating, that confidence devil sneaks it’s way in.
There is so much pressure for the perfect profile photo to swipe right to. Then the pressure to perfect the balance of keeping their interest without being overly enthusiastic or dare I say clingy. Don’t forget the pressure of when they portray my enthusiasm into being ‘too available’ instead of just wanting to get to know them more.
I don’t know about you, but I can start to lose who I am because I’m trying to fit into someone’s perfect checklist. Oh–and don’t get me started on what it does to my self esteem when I get ghosted.
So, I stopped and started to think, “Why isn’t it happening to me?”
I found myself chasing happiness and trying to find that person to fill a void.
I was always dating someone because I didn’t want to be alone.
Now, before you send help or plan me a sob party, I want you to know that every love story inspires me that true love exists. I believe in strong relationships.
In these last few months, I have grown to love myself, understand what I truly want in a partner and know what I deserve. I wrote a list for what I am looking for–the real stuff. And I’m okay waiting for it, I know it will come. That list now sits on my fridge as a daily reminder of what I deserve.
I’ve been so lucky to witness and plan over a hundred marriages and, heck, I’ve even said those three little words to a few special men in my past. (That’s a whole other story!)
I love the stories that end with ‘’I’m gonna marry that girl” from the moment they catch her crossing the street towards them or the sneaking to the bathroom to cancel their online account midway through the date because it’s going so well. Today, over fifty percent of my couples meet online and I love every one of their stories as they are all equally unique.
My wedding planning career began in 2009 working alongside one of Vancouver’s top wedding planning firms and while I witnessed many beautiful marriages, they didn’t speak directly to my heart.
That’s what inspired me to create my own company that believes in strong relationships and preparing couples for not only a beautiful wedding but a beautiful marriage. I encourage my couples to build on their relationship during the planning journey and even send them on monthly date nights without any wedding planning talk. It is my goal for my couples to look at their wedding 20 years from now, still married, and remembering their love stories in every detail.
I want to change how we collectively view relationships in today’s modern dating world. (For me and for you!)
Dating has become lazy where we swipe left or right, go for coffee, and if it requires any work we don’t hear a peep from them. Now, I can’t speak about marriage from a personal standpoint, but I feel we live in a society where divorce can be the easy way out.
What happened to til death do us part?
Finding your forever best friend requires a lot of work. Marriage is not easy and is worth fighting for! Regardless if you’re married or dating in today’s modern world, people have expectations that are too high and aren’t willing to put the effort and/or time to make these expectations achievable.
Your marriage will never look like a perfect Instagram grid.
Prince charming is not arriving on his white horse all ready and raring to go — but he may quietly be there, hold your hand, show interest, and be a gentleman.
From casual and spontaneous hookups to planned and thought out dinner plans; high sexual expectations on the first date to instead allowing the butterflies from your first touch and your first kiss to fly around on their own time. Let’s encourage old school phone calls and quality time over texting and “Netflix and chill” nights, shall we?
As for my own personal love story now? It’s still non-existent…and that’s ok.
If you, like me, are feeling the struggles of today’s modern dating world, remember:
You are worth fighting for and it will be worth the wait in the end.
I’m going to leave you with this quote that I love from Mark Groves, “ Someday someone won’t be afraid of how much you love. They won’t stay on the shore; they’ll meet you in the depths.”
Isn’t she amazing? We love her hope and real life perspective in this online world. Want to see more of what she’s up to? (It’s amazing.) Check it out:
Stephanie Reitsma
Hi! I’m Stephanie.
OWNER & PRINCIPAL PLANNER of SWEETHEART EVENTS
I’m a bubbly, organization-obsessed Wedding and Proposal Planner. You can usually find me behind my Macbook double fisting two cups of cold coffee (because who ever gets to it when it’s hot) and happy dancing to some Country tunes on Spotify. I believe in strong relationships and building that foundation during the planning process. I enjoy helping time-strapped couples plan, simplify and personalize their once-in-a-lifetime moment, so it turns out to be everything they ever hoped it would be (and then some). I am the happy owner of Sweetheart Events and the first one to congratulate you on this exciting journey you are about to begin. Now that’s enough about me, I want to hear about you!
Instagram: @sweetheartevents
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