We are so excited to bring to you an amazing Vancouver based officiant and coaching company called Young Hip and Married.
Not only are they everything their name implies, but they are so much more. We’ve been keeping up with them for quite a while on their social media (read: internet stalking) and we have to tell you–they are amazing.
Their core value and message is “Get Married and Stay Married” — Well, if you know us at The Relationship Project at all, you know they’ve just stolen our hearts.
So without further ado, here’s YH&M with their take on how to plan for a lifetime and not just a wedding. (And make sure to scroll to the bottom to peep their links–it’s worth it we promise!)
At Young Hip & Married, we believe that it’s important to plan more than just an awesome wedding – you need to be planning for an awesome marriage and lifetime together!
And we would know. Our founders, Shawn and Erica Miller, were married in 2004. A few years later, Shawn and Erica began their venture establishing YH&M with the hope of doing something creative, that would help people, and that spoke to the journey of their marriage. But despite their busy work days running the businesses, Shawn and Erica have always prioritized their relationship. Coming up on 15 years of marriage and parenthood to four young children, Shawn and Erica know that a lasting and thriving relationship takes time and effort. They wouldn’t be as successful in their business, in their roles as parents, or in their relationship without doing the work needed for a lifetime together.
We want couples to have fun, exciting marriages that last forever. We want the magic of your wedding day to inspire your marriage and not just fizzle out after the honeymoon is over. Because what good is an amazing wedding if you don’t have an amazing marriage to back it up?
So, how do you do it? How do you plan for a lifetime together and not just your wedding day?
Know that planning for a lifetime, and it does take planning, means having the knowledge, resources and skills to stay married. And we’re not talking about the kind of marriage where you just grit your teeth and stay in it for the sake of staying in it. We’re talking about a life-giving marriage that becomes one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.
Here are six tips to help you plan for a marriage you’re going to enjoy for the rest of your life:
1. Remember that no one is immune from a crappy relationship.
On your wedding day, you’re probably not thinking about the divorce rate, your next heated argument or how much you might hate your spouse for putting an empty carton of milk back in the fridge five years down the line. You’re in a complete state of bliss on the big day. But it’s important to remember that you and your partner are not immune from a bad relationship or a divorce. If you want your marriage to last, it can’t be something you put on the back burner.
2. As you grow, grow together.
You and your partner are not going to be the same people you were at the altar for the rest of your lives. You are going to be different in five years, ten years, twenty years and in the rocking chairs of your retirement home with your hearing aids turned up all the way. But as you’re growing, it’s important to remember to grow together in your relationship. Over the years, your relationship will evolve. You need to learn how to evolve with it.
3. Ask yourselves: how are we going to keep our relationship going?
It’s important to actually sit down with your partner and put some thought into this question. You need to know how you are going to sustain your relationship once all of the wedding planning and honeymoon bliss is over. For some couples, answering this question could involve reading a book on the topic, taking a course, attending events or going through relationship coaching. Have the hard discussions now so you can put the relationship sustaining habits you need into practice right from the start.
4. One of the pro-tips we’ve learned for a successful partnership is simply: do what you say you’re going to do.
It’s all about the follow through. By letting your yes be a yes, you’ll eliminate lots of conflict from your relationship. So when you say you’re going to go grocery shopping after work, make sure you get yourself to the grocery store. Be the type of person your partner can depend on. If you consistently bail on the promises you’re making to your partner, you’ll lose their trust. Of course, we all understand that things come up or people forget from time to time. But when that happens, take ownership of the situation and don’t go on the defensive. So if your work day runs late and you can’t make it to the grocery store, call your partner ahead of time so they can plan accordingly.
5. Don’t put your relationship on auto-pilot.
Anything you want to last a lifetime can’t be something you just forget about. In order for your relationship to thrive, you need to invest in it. One way to do that is with weekly date nights. We love the idea of setting aside some special time once a week to dedicate to your partner. Put away your phones, your tablets, your laptops, etc. Try not to talk about the kids or household chores. Spend time really connecting with one another. Sure, there might be a few awkward pauses. It’s hard to switch to real conversations when you’re so used to talking about who is dropping off the kids at school tomorrow or what you need from the grocery store. But, push through. We promise it will be worth it.
6. We all need help sometimes.
There is no one way to create a successful marriage, just like there is no one way to have the perfect wedding. Every couple will do things their own way. And every couple will have moments where they meet challenges in their relationship. Bottom line: no one is perfect. Even if you spend lots of time planning for a successful marriage, you will have conflicts with your partner. But remember that it’s okay to ask for help. There’s a lot to learn about relationships. Marriage isn’t easy. So if you feel like you’re struggling in your relationship and need help, ask for it.
We believe that with planning and effort, your relationship can be life-giving, fun, and one of the best parts of your life.
If you’re planning a wedding, we encourage you to take a second and think:
How much time and money are we spending on planning a wedding?
And then ask yourselves:
How much time and money are we spending on our relationship?
There you have it! We are so on board with those tips and especially that last question, “How much time and money are we spending on our relationship?”. At The Relationship Project we’re all about creating and maintaining genuine, REAL-ationships and YH&M’s tips are on point. We are so aligned in our values, we know you will be too, friends.
Thank you, YH&M, for stopping by our blog and sharing that insight with us!
Make sure to take a peek into what they’re up to, it’s awesome.
Young, Hip and Married
Young Hip & Married exists for two reasons: to help couples get married and stay married.
We’re on a mission to eradicate dull and boring wedding ceremonies from the face of the planet and to help couples create a sweet lifelong union that gets better with age. If every couple is different then why have we all been to the same boring ceremony so many times? Young Hip & Married will marry you YOUR way—creative and personalized ceremonies are our specialty.
We don’t just want you to have an amazing personal ceremony, we also want your marriage to be fun and exciting and to last forever. Our relationship coaching is designed to equip couples with the necessary knowledge, resources, and skills to not just stay married, but also love the journey. Your marriage is one of the most important relationships you’ll ever have—let us help you start off strong and thrive for life.
Social media links:
Blush Wedding Photo
Emily Nicole Photo
Erica Miller Photography