On this week’s Feature Friday we are showcasing an uber creative and community-driven, Vancouver couple, Missy and Antho.
These two have quite a few lessons to share with us this week. We’ll be diving into age differences, ending an engagement, managing expectations, compromise, keeping it simple and balance. So many topics, and yes, these two have gone through them all.
We started our chat in the evening and we went well past midnight (even into Jake’s birthday!)because this couple has so much to share! We had a great time interviewing them, learning a lot along the way, we know you guys will, too. If you want to see more of what they’re up to in the community (hint: it’s amazing) we will have their links below.
So without any further ado, let’s get to it!
Relationship Stats
Names
M: Missy (Murielle Rose Ebo) Reyes
A: Antho (Anthony) Lorenzo Grant
Ages
M: 29
A: 25
Occupations
M: Freelance Graphic Designer/Animator, Director/Assistant Director at PraiseTeam
A: Junior Developer and Generalist
Length of time you’ve known each other? 9 years
Length of time together? Between 4-5 years
Break ups? Two 15 minutes break ups [Laughing]
Current Status? Together, there’s so much to learn before we take the next step together, so we are best friends and in love.
Relationship Stats
Names
M: Missy (Murielle Rose Ebo) Reyes
A: Antho (Anthony) Lorenzo Grant
Ages
M: 29
A: 25
Occupations
M: Freelance Graphic Designer/Animator, Director/Assistant Director at PraiseTeam
A: Junior Developer and Generalist
Length of time you’ve known each other? 9 years
Length of time together? Between 4-5 years
Break ups? Two 15 minutes break ups [Laughing]
Current Status? Together, there’s so much to learn before we take the next step together, so we are best friends and in love.
Interview
RP: Before we start with the real interview, tell us about your relationship story.
M: Okay, this is going to sound awkward, but Antho used to be like a little brother to me. [laughs] We met at a Youth for Christ camp in 2008, that I was serving in, and he joined that youth group, then praise team, choir, and showcase. We didn’t always get along, I always got mad at him, but we hung around with the same people and had the same friends. Once in a while, I would give him relationship advice–where to take girls out on dates and stuff like that. [laughs]
A: I would be asking her for advice about girls and stuff, I saw her as a big sister a long time ago.
M: Weird! [laughs]
A: [laughing] I remember at a certain point, the answers she was giving me made me realize that she was the type of person I wanted to be with. Around that time I started to have feelings for her. She had the maturity that I was seeking, and it clicked.
M: Awww! We should probably mention, too, that for the first few years of our relationship we kept everything on the down low, because of our age difference. At first we didn’t want to make other people uncomfortable but then we realized, who cares?
A: And that’s a whole other story!
RP: Oh, we will get into that! What is the best thing about your relationship?
M: Oh man, that’s hard! Can I do a top three? [Laughing] Antho can you go first? [laughs]
A: Okay, I’ll just freestyle. [laughs] Whenever I’m with you I feel like I’m home. Side note: my whole life I’ve had issues with sense of belonging and family and I think that’s one thing I can really feel with Missy, it’s a refuge for me. Her, PraiseTeam and her family, give me a feeling I’ve been longing for my whole life and means a lot to me.
I also love how she challenges me creatively, she’s so inspiring, what she values and aspires to be, I love.
M: I think I love that we like the same things, we do the same things. We both dance, in
choir, graphic design, computer stuff. We challenge each other on that. Everything we do, we’re a team when we do it. We work together and exchange what we love and our knowledge. It’s an exchange of beliefs. He’s also super honest with me, he never sugar coats things. And sometimes I act like I don’t like it, [laughs] but it makes me better.
A: Hey, you never said that before! [laughs]
M: [laughing] It’s always good for me to know what I can work on. And the last thing, for me, I like that he’s a really good singer. It makes me swoon. [laughing]
RP: What’s your greatest relationship challenge?
M: Hmm..
A: I think we’re still very, very different.
M: Yes.
A: I think that as much as we have in common, we have the same amount of differences. That’s still something that’s a challenge.
M: Yeah, I would agree, we have different opinions on things, that’s probably why we argue and bicker so much [laughs]. Also, the age difference for my parents was a challenge. They had a hard time approving, but I think they’re okay now.
RP: What is your go to response during conflicts?
M: I straight up say when something is bothering me. I try to think about it first, to see if it’s something worth being mad about, but sometimes I can’t help myself and I’m just mad about it. I tell him right away, sometimes in a mean way, how I feel about it. I find that he just brushes it off, and I just want to talk about it. I don’t want to sleep on it. You know?
A: I always say the rational, practical answer that’s totally devoid of emotion. I just go to solution seeking. I think that’s what guys do, but really what I should do is spend more time listening. I think that’s what everyone wants, not a solution right away, that doesn’t matter, it’s letting the other person vent in the raw way they need to. If there’s anything else bothering me from that day or whatever, before we engage in conversation, I should take a second to squash it so it doesn’t affect me during it, and escalate.
M: They’re asking what you do now, not what you should do.
All: [laughs]
RP: Called out!
A: [laughing] I guess I don’t want to invest emotionally, it’s hard for me. I just want to fix it. [laughs]
RP: Does religion have an impact on your relationship? How so?
M: I think it has a good impact, I was actually there when he was confirmed Catholic, and I know that he understands the Catholic faith. But I also know that he has a lot of questions about the faith and the world. And I’ve never asked myself those questions before. It’s a challenge, but a good thing, because it opens my eyes to look at things in another perspective. Religion has never been a challenge, and we’ve talked about it in the future with kids and things like that and I don’t see it being a problem. We both believe in putting our trust in God and He has a plan for all of us.
A: Missy was brought up as Catholic and I was brought up as non-Christian if anything, so I think that’s why it’s natural for me to challenge things. I was exposed to the other side of the coin for most of my life. But I think religion can be a complicated thing and what keeps religion hold value for us, is to keep it simple. And know what makes us happy and loved and allows us to love others properly.
RP: Tell us about the age difference and how that’s played a role in your relationship.
A: Oooh.
M: [laughing] Like I mentioned before, the concern for us mainly was how other people saw it. Everyone likes to talk and gossip and we were insecure about it before. But after time passes, you get past that. After you’ve been dating so long, and you realize that, all this time we still love each other and it’s working, it doesn’t matter what other people think.
A: I agree, externally, we were paranoid about how we were around each other or expressed our love toward each other in public. Especially with those in our lives with traditional views on relationships.
M: I feel like I’m the one that always brings up the age thing, because it’s my insecurity that I feel old. [laughing] I always ask him, why are you with me? I’m so old! [laughs] But Antho never makes me feel old, maybe because I’m immature or something. [laughs] I think the age thing only affects whatever I make up in my head, but it doesn’t affect us really. Whatever we are without the age, it’s just working.
A: Another challenge I face, this insecurity I have because I am younger, I feel like I’ve had to speed up my life a little bit too. In terms of maturity, preparation for a stable career and future. I know she loves me anyway and when the right time comes, it comes. But that’s something that comes up for me.
RP: What are your partner’s strengths and weaknesses?
M: He asks a lot of questions, I feel like he knows a lot of things. I can ask him anything and he knows the answers or knows where to find the answers. Besides the fact that I think he has a lot of talents. [laughs]
A: I’m a generalist!
M: Weakness? Hmm, if I’m being honest I think he gets discouraged. Like, when things don’t go his way right away or as planned, he gets discouraged. And he questions everything instead of just taking the set back and moving forward. It’s a small thing.
A: Weakness for Missy is her indecisiveness. She’s comfortable in not pushing forward with things. It causes arguments sometimes because we don’t know where to go form there. We get stuck. I think a strength is how she demonstrates a lot of faith and hope in a lot of what she does. People don’t know this, but the conditions that she’s in half the time are not ideal and she still pumps out a lot of small wins and big blessings. And I’m really proud, ‘cause I don’t think that many people know the struggles she goes through.
M: Don’t make me cry! [laughs]
A: They don’t know how much she sacrifices to get there. Only I hear about it at the end of the night. [laughs] She’s really strong, it’s her will that’s inspiring to me. It’s inspiring to see someone who has the same struggles as you and can still do amazing things. She underdog’s it. That’s what I love the most.
RP: That’s interesting, it’s almost exactly opposite for you two, your strengths and weaknesses balance. That’s beautiful. Okay, what’s something you always bicker about?
M: I’m really sensitive. So if he says something in a tone that I don’t like at that time I make a big deal about it. [laughs]
A: It’s all the mini-judgements about behaviours, now that I think about it. [laughs]
M: Also, because we have known each other for a while, we accidentally become a little too harsh and say things in a tone that’s not exactly the nicest. In showcase, when I am in director mode, I know Antho has complained that I’ve been mean to him in front of them.
A: Yes! It was embarrassing almost, I know it seems like it’s just us two, but its not. And when we speak to each other that way, and it’s in front of people, it can feel like we’re putting each other down in a way.
M: Yes, that’s definitely been a reoccurring issue for us.
A: And time management. I have really poor time management.
All: [laughs]
RP: Oh we know that one well! [laughs] Okay, what has been a struggle that nearly tore you apart?
A: I know one, can I go? One of the differences we have is our perception of an ideal relationship. For me, I want a really low maintenance relationship. Something true and foundational. Something that will always be the same and you don’t have to tend to it. Behaviours that come out of that are, that I’m not frequent enough when I touch-base or interact. For me, it’s okay not to talk for more than a few days, especially back then. And for Missy it made her feel insecure and like I was uninterested. Obviously, we’ve grown from that and it definitely needed to be adjusted.
M: Yes, I’ve had a lot of relationships in the past that were serious, I was even engaged at one point, so for me, I had insecurities and expectations. And we weren’t on the same boat. This was the time where we broke up for like 15 mins. [laughs] My past relationships had a lot of contact and that’s what I was used to. I wasn’t used to not communicating and still having the relationship be going well.
RP: And how did you get past that?
M: That’s something Antho has taught me, trust. We can go for a few days with minimal conversation and still be just as committed and loyal. It’s great now, I look back and think, how did that other way work? Because I’m so busy now, this is perfect for me.
A: A relationship is work and I’ve grown to realize, you have to invest your time and effort in order for it to work.
M: I’ve trusted that things are okay when we aren’t able to communicate that much with travel or work, I’ve developed that trust, he’s assured me, and we’ve both adjusted. He communicates more, and I’ve met in the middle with my expectations.
A: Yeah, we’ve definitely compromised. We found balance and taught each other what we needed.
RP: What is something else your partner/relationship has taught you?
M: I have to think about this one.
A: It’s taught me how deep a relationship can actually go. It’s taught me the value in relationships. I now have a standard for what I define as a deep relationship. It’s taught me that the things we do and the nuance of a close relationship can strengthen the other relationships in my life, too.
M: That’s a good one. I watch a lot of movies and I’m a hopeless romantic, I was stuck in wanting everything to be like a fairy tale. And to be honest, when I was in my last relationship and we were engaged, that relationship was what I thought I wanted. I’ve fantasized about the perfect guy since I was young. When I finally got exactly what I wished for, it wasn’t enough. And though everything seemed perfect, I couldn’t understand why it still felt like something was missing. It was a hard realization to deal with at first. Antho showed me what I needed in my life. We never really had a honeymoon phase, things got real right away. [laughs] In one way or another he shows me different ways of looking at things and it’s very nourishing. Even with all the struggles and differences, I’m happy.
RP: How do you handle your relationship in the public eye, working together in the community, and the pressures that may come with that?
A: We position ourselves for those expectations. We try not to post arbitrary stuff on social media. We try not to set that expectation in the public eye. The moments we have are really just between us. I don’t have to post everything to the world to still feel super validated with her. Positioning those expectations is number one. And we always keep our relationship one dynamic. We aren’t Bruce Wayne and Batman, we kept one dynamic of our relationship consistent. That was key.
M: I don’t have anything against couples posting lots of pictures and stuff, I like seeing those things! I love the Relationship Project posts! I think that a lot of people post stuff about relationships that are showing off the highlight reel, but I love when relationships post the real stuff. I always used to post like every single thing and get those “aww” points, but in this relationship, I don’t need that validation from others. If we do something fun or if I feel grateful or thankful, I’ll share that. Of if I feel like trolling, I’ll post an ugly picture. [laughs]. In terms of working together, we argue at first and then make it work later on. [laughs]. Yeah, I think that’s how it works. [laughs]
A: We know how to give and receive open feedback. It’s not a matter of proving each other right or wrong, it’s just perspectives given and how that can provide a solution to impact what we’re working on positively. Being receptive to things as well as delivering opinions and feed back.
RP: What’s something you wouldn’t want people to know about your relationship?
A: We argue a lot. But it’s really okay. [laughs] The beautiful thing about our relationship with two extremely different people at the core of things, is that you can find that person and come together. I know, Missy says she’s been looking for that Disney fairytale relationship but, our relationship is kind of like that. It’s like Beauty and the Beast. Two totally different people that clash, but then they find their moments. That’s what I love, the challenge in that relationship. It goes to show that it’s possible to understand something that you didn’t understand before.
M: I have one that’s not that deep. Is that okay? [laughs] I don’t think people know that I’m the one with the car and I’m the one that always picks Antho up.
All: [laughs]
RP: We love that. Alright, What is something you want more of in your relationship?
M: Umm. Money.
All: [laughs]
M: [laughing] Not in that way, but more time and money to travel.
A: Yes, more time truly together, which money would help with. We grind way too much, and yes it’s for each other, but what good is that grind for each other if we aren’t celebrating together?
RP: Right? Okay, what are you trying to eliminate from your relationship?
A: Doubt. Self doubt.
M: Worries and insecurity. Because of my history of failed relationships, I always think, what if I mess this one up? I always ask him, do you still love me? [laughs]
A: Ah! [laughing] You know what bothers me with that question? It either comes as a joke or as super serious and I can’t discern which one. [laughs]
M: The answer is always yes. [laughing]
RP: What’s the best relationship advice you’ve ever gotten?
A: One time when Missy and I argued at my house, my mom said something to me like, you have to practice more empathy. Stop trying to win conversations, try to use the conversation. It’s there for you to listen and get to know the other person. Don’t wait for the conversation to end, be happy that the conversation is happening and know it’s an opportunity. Don’t end that opportunity early.
M: It’s easy to fall in love but it’s hard to stay in love. There’s always a honeymoon phase and when that phase ends and the struggles come in, you have to really love that person enough to stick around and make it work. It’s something I always tell myself.
RP: If you were to tell someone struggling in their relationship one thing, what would it be?
A: If it isn’t worth working for, it isn’t worth having. I know it’s so cliche. But the theme of relationships is sacrifice and work. That’s really it.
M: At the end of each day, are you still happy? Are you happy with that person? Do you want to make that person happy? If your struggle is bigger then your love for that person, then it’s not worth it. But if, at the end of the day, you still love that person, then make it work. Focus on the good things and the most important things to you, instead of being hung up on what the fairytale things are.
RP: So good. Anything else you want to add?
A: I really admire you both for doing this, The Relationship Project, no one really does this. I think it’s good for the next generation of relationships to see. Because growing up, we didn’t know it can take a lot of fights and self reflection and vulnerability to get there. Which is cool, but when you know that’s what you need to expect to get there, you can focus on the other aspects. Keep it up!
M: Thank you guys! Happy Birthday Jake!
A: Yeah! Happy Birthday!
All: [laughing]
RP: Thank you both! You two were great!
There you have it! Our Feature Friday showcasing Missy and Antho.
These two inspire us because they’ve been on opposite ends and found ways to balance their needs and compromise.They’ve shown us the value of a relationship, what home feels like, and that fairy tales do exist in a realistic aspect.
We commend the courage it takes to talk about these un-talked-about things.
The big take-aways we love from Missy and Antho are:
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Balance is key
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With trust and communication, you can compromise effectively
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Take your time and do your own thing, regardless of judgement
We think their view on relationships, how they are balancing things, navigating their journey, growing and learning together, is so on point.
You can’t put a time stamp on what love and success looks like for each relationship and we applaud you both on not caving to those pressure, insecurities and relationship checklists. We love how you both are doing things your way.
Thank you for sharing with us!
Want to keep up with them? Here’s their links:
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