Welcome to our very first Feature Friday!
Every Friday, we will be featuring either an interesting couple, cool research, or something special to help us all out in our relationships.
This week we’re featuring a Vancouver based, geek-tastic couple. Along with being kick-ass people, they’re up to amazing things in the creative and fitness worlds. Up and coming in their own respective fields, these two share a love for all things geek-related and you’ll want to check in on what they’re up to. (We’ll have their links below!).
These two have been together for a while now, been through some tough times, and have some great a-ha-moments. We’re diving into what they’ve overcome, their common struggles around insecurity, self-centredness, and communication. We’ll check in with what they’ve learned and what they’re getting right–and the best part, their quick sense of humour.
We are opening the doors and going behind the scenes of Britt and Kyle’s relationship, are you ready?
Today on Feature Friday, we are exposing the underbelly of:
BR-YLE (Britt and Kyle)
Be ready for a lot of laughs and great insights.
Let’s get to it.
Relationship stats:
Names:
B: Britt Lovell
K: Kyle Vicente
Ages:
B: 26
K: 27
Occupations:
B: Personal Trainer
K: Dancer/Choreographer/Director/Instructor
Length of time you’ve known each other: 3.5 years
Length of time together: 3.5 years
Breakups: Nope
Current Status: Live Together/Dating For: 3.5 years
Interview:
RP: Here we go! What is the best thing about your relationship?
B: Do you want to answer that one first? [laughs]
K: Well, we always make each other laugh, which lightens up everything. For the most part we tend to stay away from arguing because we know how to talk to each other. That obviously took a bit of time, but we have a better understanding of that now.
B: Yep.
K: And we can literally do anything and it will always be pretty exciting.
B: Yeeeeah. For me, when I think about the best thing in our relationship it’s that, no matter where we are, we always find a way to keep each other smiling. Even if things are super rough and I don’t even want to talk to him, he always finds a way to let me know he’s here and makes me smile even when I don’t feel like it. That for me is the best part.
RP: Mhmm. Okay next question. What is a topic you struggle on in your relationship?
B: I think sometimes it’s a struggle to be on the same page.
K: Yeah.
B: We both want exactly the same thing, but the routes in which we each want to take there can be very different and we’re not always on the same page with how to tackle it. That puts road blocks. We can’t always agree on which path to take, to get what we want.
K: We always get there, but disagree on how to get there. [laughs]
B: We have different upbringings so sometimes our solutions are different. Like, sometimes his solution is not what I would do—ever. And sometimes my solution to a problem is something he doesn’t think is a good idea either. It takes some nitty-gritty communication to find a happy medium between the two.
K: That’s kinda vague and nothing specific,
B: [laughs]
K: But yeah. The struggle is getting out of the struggle. Quote of 2017. [laughs]
RP: That leads to the next question, what is your go-to response in conflicts?
K: For Britt, if there’s any type of conflict or whatever, she will really voice her opinion. Whereas for me, a lot of time, I won’t really say anything.
B: Yeah, he kind of shuts down.
K: I never like to just leave with not finishing what we’re talking about, but for the most part, I generally shut down for a bit. Then I will come back to it later. I hate conflict, I don’t like dealing with it. So I’d rather just calm the situation down and deal with it later.
B: Yep.
K: Even though that’s not always the best, I’d rather not be super heated and it turns into something else. That’s how I am. Where as she likes to nip it in the bud right away.
B: Yeah, cause when I know what my problem is, I want to solve it as quickly as we can. I know that we will solve it, but it’s just hard. When I get upset, he tends to shuts down right away, and because he’s shutting down, I get more upset, and it won’t solve the problem. We’ve found ways to deal with that now. But that’s definitely my first response to solve it now, I don’t want to come back to this later. And Kyle is very much, I want to sit and think about it for a minute and gather my thoughts kind of person.
K: Yep.
RP: Okay, so, what is something you always fight about?
B: Ummmm…I think the one thing I tend to point out the most to him, is that he can be really self centred.
K: Yep. [laughs]
B: I point it out often, so it doesn’t pile up. I’ll say “It’s not always about you.” It doesn’t happen all the time but it’s something we argue about. He doesn’t mean to be that way!
K: [laughs]
B: So what do you hate about me?
K: That’s not the question!
B & K: [laughs]
K: Hold up! [laughs] Well, I don’t like confrontation so that’s a hard question to answer.
B: I think if I were to bring one up, Kyle gets really exhausted trying to navigate my insecurities.
K: Yep, that’s definitely one, for sure.
B: Like he gets it, he knows where it’s coming from, but he doesn’t always know how to handle it. I can tell I can drain the life out of him with my insecurities sometimes.
K: Yeah. That’s not something we argue about, but that’s a good one.
RP: Okay next question, what has been a struggle that nearly tore you apart?
K: Ohh…you want me to say this one?
B: Is this on the record?
B & K: [laughs]
B: Well in the beginning, during tough times, Kyle was not always on my team. At that time, we dealt with a lot of backlash about our relationship. It was like fighting a losing battle. Like you are fighting by yourself. You know?
K: Yeah, during rough patches in our relationship, both of us, received a lot of negative attention and we weren’t always on the same team. That caused quite a bit of a struggle for us.
B: Yeah, that almost tore us apart, ’cause I didn’t think I could handle it any longer.
RP: And how did you get past that?
B: Aloooooot of communication.
K: Mmmhmmm.
B & K: [Laughs}
K: Talking all the time, tons of reassurance on my end, not just through conversation, but action as well.
B: Just really putting in the effort to make it obvious we were on each others side.
K: Which was hard for me to gauge cause there were a lot of times I thought things were cool and good, and one day she’ll come back to me and say, “Are things okay?” and I’m thinking “What the —? Am I not doing my part right now? Cause I think I am!”
B & K: [laughs]
B: But that was me and my constant need for reassurance at that time. I think what got us through was the understanding: what went wrong, how did it go wrong, how or can we get out of this together?
K: Yeah, it was a lot of conversation, knowing where each others heads were at. And if theres anything off, we did whatever we needed to do to, on both ends, to reassure each other.
RP: Mhmm. So what is something your partner/relationship has taught you?
B: I need a minute. Hmm…this is a hard one.
K: I didn’t teach you anything??
B & K: [laughs]
B: No the words! [laughs] I think for me, based on my life, this relationship has opened my eyes to the open possibility of change. Before I met Kyle I was very set, there’s no changing, no lee-way for mistakes. But now, when we’ve faced obstacles where it was showing each other our character, I didn’t think I should run. I would think, “He and I both have the potential to change and adapt, our mistakes don’t define us.” It opened my mind to trying and seeing more than the first impression. I think when you have the right person in your life, you can be anything you want to be.
K: I’m the right person?
B & K: [laughs]
B: Being with Kyle has brought out a great side in me, it’s opened me up to more than just the first impression. He’s shown me that with the right people in your life, you can become the best version of yourself, there’s always possibility for positive change. I never used to believe that.
K: For me, the biggest thing was communication between two people. Growing up, for example, I would never tell people, even my friends, if I did something big, and I was excited. I would never tell anyone. I was that type of person I would keep things to myself. But when it comes to relationships, over time with us, I started to really learn I can’t do that. [Laughs] It just creates more problems. [Our relationship] definitely opened me up in how to talk to Britt and how to get over situations and deal with things differently. Because Britt calms me down in a way that I haven’t had in anyone else before. You’re easy to talk to.
B: Awwww! We communicate!
K: She’s a good listener, I’m not really used to that. She’ll listen to my point of view before she says anything from her point of view. So that helped in this aspect.
RP: Awww. So awesome. Okay so what are your partners strengths/weaknesses?
K: You talk to much sometimes.
B& K: [laughs]
B: You don’t talk enough sometimes!
B & K: [laughs]
B: When I think strengths, usually what I find is that Kyle has strengths where I have weaknesses. And vice versa. We balance each other out. Sometimes it can be really frustrating but in certain circumstances, it becomes handy. In our relationship Kyle’s strength has always been in not dwelling. Once the problem is over, it’s over. No grudges. He always finds the light part in the worst situations. As for weakness, like I said before, he can be a bit self-centred sometimes, unintentionally!
K: For me, her strength is that she makes me laugh like no other. It’s hilarious [laughs]. The only other people that ever make me laugh as much as she does are my best friends, Stu and Angel. But to have someone I live with, I’m around all the time, every single day, and can turn a shitty day into an amazing day. Not just for me, but for herself as well? –Is definitely one of my favourite things. A weakness?
B: My weak ankles!
B & K: [laughs]
K: That’s a hard one. She can be really messy sometimes and I hate that. I used to be so clean until I met you! [laughs]
B: What?!
B & K: [laughs]
K: Sometimes too, it’s not all the time, I can tell that when she has an idea in her mind, a goal, she’ll have it set in her head. And if it changes, it becomes the most disappointing thing.
B: Yeah, I can be easily let down.
K: And she talks loud in the middle of the night. People are sleeping!
B & K: [laughs]
RP: [laughing] Okay next, what is something you want more of in your relationship?
B: Pets.
B & K: [laughs]
K: I think that would be her cure, having pets.
B & K: [laughs]
B: More adventures.
K: Yeah, just spending time with more friends and people, with you [Britt] there. [laughs] Doing more things outside of the house. We get very comfy at home, just being with each other and it’s great, but sometimes it would be beneficial to get out with other people, socialize.
RP: That’s a good one. Okay almost done! What are you two getting right?
B: Hmmm….
K: We need an outsiders opinion! [laughs]
B: What are we getting right?
K: Communication? It’s not 100%, but…that’s a tricky one!
B: The main thing is that we aren’t letting any struggles, or anything in our relationship, affect our goals as individuals.
K: That’s true.
B: We’re not allowing each other to become so encompassed in “us” that we’re letting what we individually want, career wise or anything like that, fall to the way side. Our relationship functions really well in that. Kyle and I have a good balance in what we need to do individually and what we want to do together.
K: Agreed. [laughs]
RP: That’s awesome. Next question, based on your relationship, what is the best relationship advice you’ve gotten?
K: One thing that Jake told me, was to accept the other persons flaws, to embrace them, and to turn them into something that you wouldn’t look at as a flaw in the end. Work with them.
RP: I said that?
All: [laughs]
K: Yeah! You taught me! I was like this is amazing, this is dope.
B: I think the best advice I got was either from a book or Tay, I think we both read it but you reminded me of it.
K: You guys are our inspiration!
RP: Awwwww!
All: [laughs]
B: It was that sometimes when you’re at your lowest and you don’t think you’re going to make it through, you’ve got to take yourself out of the equation. You need to look at it from a point of view that’s not your own. Because we get so wrapped up in our own opinion, so wrapped up in how “I” feel, that we don’t look at it from how he feels. You know?
K: Mhm.
B: I think that was the best advice I ever got. Because I never looked at me feeling the way I felt, being the thing that’s holding me back from making it right. I would be feeling to the point where I wouldn’t be listening anymore. When I stopped doing that, it really changed the way we communicated. I started asking questions instead of demanding answers.
K: That was a long one! [laughs]
RP: [laughs] Okay, so if you had to tell someone one thing to save their relationship, what would it be? The best advice you have?
B: Depends on the context! If I were to generalize it, is what you’re fighting over worth it? Are you willing to adapt how you feel to fix your relationship? The hardest part is to let how your feeling go, and look at it from both sides. Take it the way that they are telling you and not the way that it makes you feel.
K: I would pass along the same thing I said in the last question! That made a huge difference in the way I looked at things! [laughs] Accept and work with their flaws and not against them. Whatever those flaws may be.
RP: Awesome!! Thank you guys so much! Anything else you guys want to add or say or comment?
K: Happy Birthday Luna!!
B & K: [laughs]
There we have it, our very first Feature Friday! We are so excited to start this weekly adventure into exposing REAL-ationships and research so we can all see that perfect isn’t real and real isn’t perfect.
These two are inspiring in their love for each other, their struggles are so common to us all. The big take-aways that we, at The Relationship Project, loved was their ability to laugh during tough times, asking questions instead of demanding answers, speaking quietly in the middle of the night, and loving someone – flaws and all.
Make sure to see what these two geek-tastic, creative, fitness folks are up to in the community. (They’re doing big things!) Here’s their links:
@culterallydefined / @trivia21
Photos: Taylor Aller
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